Things that go *BUMP* in the night

Oh yeah...that would be me.

A night after the 'deadmousing' incident (see prior post).....I am laying in bed....feeling really relaxed. As a matter of fact if I had a thought bubble like the comics do....that is exactly what it would say - 'Gee! I feel really relaxed!'. And I had to know something was wrong with that thought.

I am thinking it was at this moment God was thinking.....Let's use a little aversion therapy on La B....because as you know I live to entertain.....whether or not I agree with this.

It was a warm but windy night, I had the window by my bed half open.....it was lovely. And then I heard this scrape. then a Scrape....on the screen. And then a SCRAPE, SCRAPE, SCRAPE.

I am thinking what in the world is scratching up against my screen. (my thought: branch, tree, anything of the vegetable or mineral category)

I opened the drape and peered out.......

And in the next second....drape came off the wall, pile of books knocked over, all the sheets and comforter peeled off the bed in one fell swoop and the only thing stopping my backward, self-drape-book-sheet-comforter momentum was......BOOM...the wall.

Now....I am not sure exactly what it was....but it had the glow eyes. So I am thinking....possum, skunk, armadillo......ZOMBIE! Possibilities were endless though I am leaning towards the possum because I had done lost my mind and were it a zombie it would have starved.

R. I. (Resident Idiot) springs into action. Did I mention that he is heavily into the martial arts? He looks like a teenaged Bruce Leroy from 'Last Dragon'.....I mentioned this to him once and received a blank Bruce Leroy stare. Totally appropriate. Totally because Last Dragon was 20 years ago and the move outdates Bruce Leroy 2010.

So he grabs his wooden swordy thing. Probably ever so excited because of the amount of times a Sho Nuff Shogun showed up at my house equals exactly zero....but stay tuned....because this is my life....it could totally happen.

He runs into the night stating he is going to bash the thing.

And I get all screamy and mortified.....DON'T KILL IT PLEEEASE!!!! aRRRgggiiiiEEEE

I don't know why I don't want it killed. I just don't. I know I would cry. Even a possum deserves a better death than at the hands of the resident idiot.

SHOOOO IT PLLEEEEEEEAAAAASEEEEE!!!!!

Now if it was a zombie....that would be different.

And despite the giggle it gives me that the unidentified glowy eyed creature just MIGHT be a skunk....and spray him.....I believe in Karma and warn him of the possible consequence.

And because he isn't totally daft....he does stop and say 'you're right' which normally calms and appeased but I am still on high alert..... CLOSE THE WINDOW PUHLEEEEEZE!!!!!!

So after crisis has been averted....I need someone to talk me off the roof so to speak.

I call my friend in North Carolina.....and he sounds annoyed and pretty much doesn't know what to do with me......ever.

Texted my friend from Texas. Get this text back... "Don't mess with it. Might have rabeses."

Thank you soooo much. So now....I am not only repulsed but I am terrified because there is a glowy eyed creature still out there with Egyptian Rabies......I am sure that is what 'rabeses' really is.

And you know....my mind doesn't stop there. I envision a glowy eyed Bruce Leroy Zombie coming at me with a wooden sword covered in rabesesed possum guts.

No sleep that night. No one told me it was 'repulsive creature week' on animal planet.

And that night I decided that there is a second very good reason to have a man in your bed.

Mouse in the House - 3.23.10

The resident idiot living in my home is an idiot. Taken in after he was thrown out of his house by his mom....who had a new boyfriend. I didn't understand before But I can very nearly understand now. He shall henceforth be known as 'R.I'

So....this is what happened....

I was on the phone with a college counsellor. I was thinking of getting my BSN....maybe.....I can multitask. Heck I am filling the dishwasher as I am talking to her. Piece o cake.

R.I. comes in and says LOOK what I found outside!!! and hold out a dead mouse in my general directions.....wayyyyy to close to my personal space....which causes and immediate and dramatic reaction in the opposite direction....which is the direction of the open dishwasher door.

Ever see Mutual of Omaha where some frog or some small prey animal gets cornered against the wall and it hurls itself...bumping...and smashing against a wall like they lost their mind?

...yeah well, that was me. I bumped up agains the dishwasher twice. Managed to bruise and break the skin open. I believe they call that tenderizing in predator world. Passed out, hit my head, and I believe hit my shoulder because it was all tenderized and hurty too.

I guess I was so scared when I came to that I was screaming GET AWAY! GET AWAY! from me!!!! Loudly enough that I am sure that the college counsellor on the phone.....that I did not drop....and made for a sorry excuse for a weapon against dead mouse or resident idiot. He should be glad I wasn't putting in a sharp or blunt object at the moment. Resident Idiot have the best of luck....it ensures their survival.

I am mortified. The counsellor thinks she should let me go.....and consider this. She was from the University of Phoenix. And you know if THEY aren't calling me back 24/7.....I evidently traumatized them quite thoroughly.

Got my bearing and not-so-nicely asked the ass clown idiot to please get rid of the thing.

Decided to Lysol the whole kitchen. Made the R.I help me. Went to throw something away...and

EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk!

Ok...so I never believed that sound was ever emitted outside of cartoons. Lemme tell ya. It exsists in the real world.

The dead mouse was in my trash. I almost threw up and passed out all over again. I know I lost my mind a second time because I have NEVER seen anyone take out the trash again so quickly in my life.

I had forgotten what it was like to live in Texas....with the fields of grain....and the stupid mice. I mean if we gotta have rattlesnakes.....and other scary predators....why do we have to have mice. Remind me to write the snake story, the other Texas mice tales, and other La Bellota vs. Nature tales next week.

For now I must tend to my hurty appendages and plot the demise of R.I.

ooh my bi-yearly post

I am going to make an effort to make a better effort at my previous efforts. Thanks to the encouragement of the 'Weeb Mother', Queen of the Universe....Yasher.

At this point....I have been in three different industries since the inception of this blog. Formerly I was a 'Data Integrity Specialist'.....then a 'Business System Analyst II....must not forget the II'.....and my final incarnation(?) RN....Rescue Ninja. I have been a PCU, ICU, Med Surg, Mother/Baby, and ER nurse....because I am happy to float.....but my newest thing will be PEDIATRIC NURSE.....ooOOOoooo Nervous, scared....but completely excited. I start on April 4!!!