Mouse in the House - 3.23.10

The resident idiot living in my home is an idiot. Taken in after he was thrown out of his house by his mom....who had a new boyfriend. I didn't understand before But I can very nearly understand now. He shall henceforth be known as 'R.I'

So....this is what happened....

I was on the phone with a college counsellor. I was thinking of getting my BSN....maybe.....I can multitask. Heck I am filling the dishwasher as I am talking to her. Piece o cake.

R.I. comes in and says LOOK what I found outside!!! and hold out a dead mouse in my general directions.....wayyyyy to close to my personal space....which causes and immediate and dramatic reaction in the opposite direction....which is the direction of the open dishwasher door.

Ever see Mutual of Omaha where some frog or some small prey animal gets cornered against the wall and it hurls itself...bumping...and smashing against a wall like they lost their mind?

...yeah well, that was me. I bumped up agains the dishwasher twice. Managed to bruise and break the skin open. I believe they call that tenderizing in predator world. Passed out, hit my head, and I believe hit my shoulder because it was all tenderized and hurty too.

I guess I was so scared when I came to that I was screaming GET AWAY! GET AWAY! from me!!!! Loudly enough that I am sure that the college counsellor on the phone.....that I did not drop....and made for a sorry excuse for a weapon against dead mouse or resident idiot. He should be glad I wasn't putting in a sharp or blunt object at the moment. Resident Idiot have the best of luck....it ensures their survival.

I am mortified. The counsellor thinks she should let me go.....and consider this. She was from the University of Phoenix. And you know if THEY aren't calling me back 24/7.....I evidently traumatized them quite thoroughly.

Got my bearing and not-so-nicely asked the ass clown idiot to please get rid of the thing.

Decided to Lysol the whole kitchen. Made the R.I help me. Went to throw something away...and

EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkk!

Ok...so I never believed that sound was ever emitted outside of cartoons. Lemme tell ya. It exsists in the real world.

The dead mouse was in my trash. I almost threw up and passed out all over again. I know I lost my mind a second time because I have NEVER seen anyone take out the trash again so quickly in my life.

I had forgotten what it was like to live in Texas....with the fields of grain....and the stupid mice. I mean if we gotta have rattlesnakes.....and other scary predators....why do we have to have mice. Remind me to write the snake story, the other Texas mice tales, and other La Bellota vs. Nature tales next week.

For now I must tend to my hurty appendages and plot the demise of R.I.