Things that go *BUMP* in the night

Oh yeah...that would be me.

A night after the 'deadmousing' incident (see prior post).....I am laying in bed....feeling really relaxed. As a matter of fact if I had a thought bubble like the comics do....that is exactly what it would say - 'Gee! I feel really relaxed!'. And I had to know something was wrong with that thought.

I am thinking it was at this moment God was thinking.....Let's use a little aversion therapy on La B....because as you know I live to entertain.....whether or not I agree with this.

It was a warm but windy night, I had the window by my bed half open.....it was lovely. And then I heard this scrape. then a Scrape....on the screen. And then a SCRAPE, SCRAPE, SCRAPE.

I am thinking what in the world is scratching up against my screen. (my thought: branch, tree, anything of the vegetable or mineral category)

I opened the drape and peered out.......

And in the next second....drape came off the wall, pile of books knocked over, all the sheets and comforter peeled off the bed in one fell swoop and the only thing stopping my backward, self-drape-book-sheet-comforter momentum was......BOOM...the wall.

Now....I am not sure exactly what it was....but it had the glow eyes. So I am thinking....possum, skunk, armadillo......ZOMBIE! Possibilities were endless though I am leaning towards the possum because I had done lost my mind and were it a zombie it would have starved.

R. I. (Resident Idiot) springs into action. Did I mention that he is heavily into the martial arts? He looks like a teenaged Bruce Leroy from 'Last Dragon'.....I mentioned this to him once and received a blank Bruce Leroy stare. Totally appropriate. Totally because Last Dragon was 20 years ago and the move outdates Bruce Leroy 2010.

So he grabs his wooden swordy thing. Probably ever so excited because of the amount of times a Sho Nuff Shogun showed up at my house equals exactly zero....but stay tuned....because this is my life....it could totally happen.

He runs into the night stating he is going to bash the thing.

And I get all screamy and mortified.....DON'T KILL IT PLEEEASE!!!! aRRRgggiiiiEEEE

I don't know why I don't want it killed. I just don't. I know I would cry. Even a possum deserves a better death than at the hands of the resident idiot.

SHOOOO IT PLLEEEEEEEAAAAASEEEEE!!!!!

Now if it was a zombie....that would be different.

And despite the giggle it gives me that the unidentified glowy eyed creature just MIGHT be a skunk....and spray him.....I believe in Karma and warn him of the possible consequence.

And because he isn't totally daft....he does stop and say 'you're right' which normally calms and appeased but I am still on high alert..... CLOSE THE WINDOW PUHLEEEEEZE!!!!!!

So after crisis has been averted....I need someone to talk me off the roof so to speak.

I call my friend in North Carolina.....and he sounds annoyed and pretty much doesn't know what to do with me......ever.

Texted my friend from Texas. Get this text back... "Don't mess with it. Might have rabeses."

Thank you soooo much. So now....I am not only repulsed but I am terrified because there is a glowy eyed creature still out there with Egyptian Rabies......I am sure that is what 'rabeses' really is.

And you know....my mind doesn't stop there. I envision a glowy eyed Bruce Leroy Zombie coming at me with a wooden sword covered in rabesesed possum guts.

No sleep that night. No one told me it was 'repulsive creature week' on animal planet.

And that night I decided that there is a second very good reason to have a man in your bed.